At fifty-three, I am living my best life – mentally, physically and professionally. I live in a beautiful house, in a town in Connecticut that I love. My only boss is me, as the founder and head designer of an interior design firm.
I have never been more passionate about my work, and a renewed sense of calm flows through my days. I have faced many challenges in my life: divorce, romantic struggles, motherhood, and a professional career that has drastically changed not just once, but twice.
It took me decades to take charge as the designer of my life. I realized that building a life is not something you do with a wandering mind and uncertain fears. Our lives can only be created with true dedication.
Therefore, feet – two of them in particular – must be firmly planted in the world we want to live in.
The world extends outward, from our minds to the space around us. Life is a four-dimensional object, including time. We can map the area and map the land. Our lives are houses we build for ourselves and those we love.
How we think about ourselves influences how we think about our environment. We must consciously cultivate our internal and external worlds to reflect not only who we want to become, but also who we really are.
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you will fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have in store for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn
Becoming the designer of your own life can be divided into four phases. This could be the work of your life:
- First the foundations must be laid. This can go as far back as your early childhood and upbringing. Basic pieces range from your parents’ discipline style to your childhood living environment. Your early school and friendship dynamics are critical here. The memories and experiences from our youth leave an imprint of who you are in that initial phase. Foundations can be first loves, first jobs or first experiences that fuel an inner passion for the life you want to live.
- Then the framing will be measured, cut and determined. The shaping of one’s life can begin with choices for education after high school, a geographic choice for starting one’s adult life, or an industry selected for a potential career. Finding a person to marry and deciding to have children are also important components in shaping our lives. These are the walls that will support us through the ups and downs of life.
- From there the finish work focuses on the smallest details that make the difference. Growing into a parent and walking the paths of marriage will require a lot of finishing as you grow and evolve into a more profound person. Deciding on a parenting style and the critical values you want to instill in your children will become the foundation of their lives. Learning how to maintain a sense of self while balancing parenting and work is a constant test of our completed work. As careers develop, decisions are often presented that allow finalizing choices for our professions. Management, increased job responsibilities, new career choices and often new employment locations are all details that help refine our lives. The roles of self-care, nutrition, exercise, and life-work balance all play a major role in this phase.
- Finally, we must use our innate feeling for it design to life, curating and creating the spaces in which we can thrive. Taking full control over the design of our lives often brings out the hard work of recent years. What details in life make us feel like we are truly alive? That could be the location of your home, your developed career path that may be in need of an adjustment, or the need to focus inward to find a greater sense of peace in your life.
My designed life has led me down different paths.
Mine foundation started as a child with divorced parents in a household without love and a sense of emotional connection.
The framing of my life has been built on a career in sales, two divorces and becoming a mother (my daughter is now 17).
The finish my work took shape when I had to learn to decide what came first: life or career. I started listening to my body and the signals it was giving about my health, both physical and mental.
The design of my life has allowed me to change careers and start my own interior design business, in addition to writing my memoir. This phase exposed me to the importance of mindset and the fact that I am the creator of my happiness.
As you think about shaping your life, your tools are not just hammers, nails, paint and tiles, but chosen family, love, self-care and wellness. From this we can all build lives we never thought possible.
I finally have my legendary ‘house on the hill’, but it was starting to look like a rather patchy piece of empty land. But this is how all things look in the beginning, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Just flip your mindset – and that emptiness becomes pure, radiant potential.
